June 15, 2006 - 5:10 PM.

I don't know how

I am still really at an impasse about this. I have such trouble doing more than one thing at a time -- not just for a moment at a time, but for like a *month* at a time. So, many many things I care about and need have been going completely by the wayside, because I do not know how to move my concentration on and off of motherhood. Being Punim's mother is absolutely all-consuming. And yet I am riptide pulled toward my work and all its facets (basics like website, depth like further training and connecting to my clients on the soul level). And I am trying very hard to make my husband's upcoming 35th birthday a memorable occasion for him (though the hammock will not be finished). And our house wants so much from me, both the daily (dishes laundry toilet carpet) and the elevated (beautiful garden). And my body really longs to be just a little freer of all these spiderthread ties, to go to a little cabin up a hill and practice tai chi and harvest wild medicines, while my mind knows there's a real possibility that that will actually never happen in my lifetime.

I don't know how to shift my attention back and forth, without rips and without resentment at interruptions.

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